I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
