I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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