There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
