Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
