You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
