Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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