i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
