If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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