she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
