If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
