wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
