Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
