i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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