So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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