I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
