she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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