I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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