I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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