I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How naked do you want me to be?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
