You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How naked do you want me to be?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
