Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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