At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
