A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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