Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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