The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
