I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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