Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Found the puke drawer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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