Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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