I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
