The maid of honor just puked.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
