Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
