You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
