I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
