I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
