Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
