I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
