I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
