problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
