i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
