this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
