Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
