this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
