I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
