How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
