1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
