So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
