Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
