Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
