the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
