And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
