Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
