chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We have started to decorate penises.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
