Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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