Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
