I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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