The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
