apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
BRING THE BAGELS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
